Access Granted


There are barriers in our world to things or people that/who are deemed special, honorable, and of great value. Museums of art and artifacts have glass, velvet ropes, and clear rules limiting how close we can get. Movie stars, professional athletes, religious leaders, and politicians are less than accessible to the common citizen without special permissions, passes and security escorts (not because the celebrity is dangerous, but because we the public pose a potential danger.) I can’t imagine even getting a physical glimpse of royalty, like Queen Elizabeth or Duchess Kate. If I tried to approach any of these people or things I would be stopped immediately, evicted from their presence–maybe even arrested. In our world, I am not worthy to approach any of these people or things of high value.

So it is no surprise that when it comes to God–the creator of the universe–I feel intimidated and unworthy to approach.


If you know me or are familiar with my blog, then you know that I love Jesus and I am not shy about expressing my faith. So it might seem confusing to hear me say that I’ve had issues with God the Father. Let me lay it down for you:

When it comes to the trinity–Father, Son, and Holy Ghost–the Holy Spirit fills up the space around me and within my heart. I pray to and through the Spirit; I have learned to hear and decipher God’s voice through the Spirit; I have come to depend on the Spirit to coach, lead, and teach me through my faith journey.

Jesus–Son– is my friend. He’s my pal, my confidant. Yes, He is my holy Lord, but he is accessible and approachable the way a friend would be. He’s got my back; I love Him so much and would follow Him anywhere (at least I believe I would). I trust Jesus the way I would trust a mentor.

Father God, however, has been an abstract, nebulous entity who is too holy for me to approach. While I know in my heart He loves me just as I am, I don’t trust that He’s accessible the way Jesus and the Holy Spirit are–even though all three are equally God. And, even if God the Father was accessible, I don’t feel like I’d be “allowed” to be near Him.

I felt this way up until last Wednesday… when God called me forward.


In an intense therapy session I was given an entirely new perspective that had me tenderly crash landing into the presence of a concrete God the Father. My Father–King of Universe–tells me that not only is He 100% accessible to me, but He loves me and wants me to approach his throne.

Mind. Blown.

This new belief is slowly sinking in–rooting itself as truth in my heart and soul, yet it’s causing dissonance in my mind. I know it’s true yet can’t believe it’s true. God is okay with my inability to grab hold of this right away. As I have both embraced and wrestled with the truth, I have asked God the Father to help me understand. (The fact I am even talking to Him directly is a huge step for me.) In my prayers to rid my uncertainty of being able to approach God’s throne, Jesus said to me:

Let the little children come to me. Don’t stop them. The kingdom of God belongs to people who are like these little children. I tell you the truth, You must accept the Kingdom of God as a little child accepts things or you will never enter it…” (Mark 10: 14-15)

I won’t enter the kingdom not because I am not allowed, but because my grownup cloak of pragmatism will block me–just as it has blocked me from God the Father my whole life. (Did that triple negative twist your brain like a pretzel? 😉 )


I know my identity as God’s child. So I ask him to humble my 35-year-old, intellectual, logical self so I can enter into the spirit of my child-self; I want to succumb to the pull of curiosity, wonder, and discovery the way a child does when she sees something exciting, like a penny on the ground, lights on a friend’s shoe, or wrapping on a box. Right now I feel a little more like the uncertain child pondering whether or not I am going to approach Santa Clause. I 100% believe He’s real, and I know he’s got the good stuff I want, but I am not sure if it’s really okay for me to approach.

God is calling me forward, and unlike my earthly world, there is no special pass or security escort, no velvet rope keeping me at a distance. I am 100% worthy and welcome to approach my Father up close an personal. Wow!

Open arms girl in beautiful flower spring meadow

Father God, thank you for making yourself real and accessible to me; free my mind from the struggle of uncertainty and let me trust the freedom to explore this new space at Your throne.


8 thoughts on “Access Granted

  1. Linda Kruschke

    This is a terrific post! How many Christians feel they are unworthy to approach the throne room of God the Father, when in reality He wants us to come. When Jesus paid for our sin on the cross, the veil was torn — the thick veil that allowed only the high priest to enter into the Holy of Holies where God the Father dwelled — and we were made worthy by the blood of the Lamb to enter into the Father’s presence. Hallelujah! Peace, Linda

    1. Leanne Post author

      Thanks so much, Linda! Yes, I have heard many Christians express the same feeling with the added understanding that they know they are still welcome. Now I can relate to the understanding, but it’s still going to take some time for it to really sink in. Thanks again! 🙂

  2. BJ

    Interesting post. Personally, it’s the assumptions about God that deter me from including God in my vision of spirituality, which sounds quite similar to what’s going on with you. In your post, I noticed two assumptions that I’ve wrestled with: that God sits on a throne ruling over all, and that God is male. As you noted, royalty naturally separates itself from the public for protection, to keep the peace, and to maintain superiority. Why should a ruling God be any different? Where do we get this image of God on a throne? I would say the bible teaches us this, but the bible also portrays God as spiteful, short-tempered, jealous, and often unforgiving. But take away the bible, take away the idea of God as a ruler sitting on a throne, and focus on God as the ever-present, forgiving, loving force most people feel at some point. My connection with God deepens significantly when I realize that God is no more a ruler over me than I am a ruler over my son.

    And then the more significant assumption, that God is a He. If we are created in God’s image, if God is our creator, then how can God be male? Women create life (I grant that men have a part to play, but it’s minor compared to the 9 months of nourishment and growth that takes place in the female body). The Earth creates more life than any human, and we call her Mother Earth. God as the father is all wrong. How can a man create so much life, love so many unconditionally, when the legacy of man on earth is to destroy? Remove the assumption that God is a man, and suddenly it makes sense. She creates life, guides us through our lives, is always present, and loves us despite our mistakes. If God has a gender, it only makes sense that it is female.

    Of course, the beauty of believing in God is nobody knows. We can construct our own vision of God, and it doesn’t matter what others say or believe. In the end, the only place it matters is inside us. God as a woman, and not as a queen, makes sense to me. I don’t mean to dismiss the widely held belief otherwise. Instead, I challenge you to remove the assumptions about God, to consider what feels right as opposed to what you’re told by priests, books, therapists, family, or anyone else. Go with your heart Leanne.

  3. juliesteck

    I would also like to add to the comment above that the god he is referring to & the One you are following are two different gods. Your God, is our Father God and is not confined to male or female. He IS the God of the Bible so you can’t remove that and understand Him better. You don’t follow your heart to know Him better. You read, pray, seek counselors as you are doing. So I dont want anything to take away from your journey or your words Leanne!

    1. Leanne Post author

      Thanks for your comments, Julie! Yes, God is incomprehensibly bigger than the confines of our human words and labels. And for me, I need the Bible, my friends (both Christian and non-Christian), my trusted teachers and advisers in addition to the Spirit’s voice in my heart to seek, know and understand Him better. Thanks so much for the conversation! <3

  4. sherriinsrq

    Thanks for being honest in such a touchy area. It’s easy to assume that “everyone else but me” has this whole faith thing figured out. Reading The Shack really helped me see all 3 persons representing God in such an interesting way. And another great point for reading that book is that it really pisses off a lot of Pharisees, which is always good motivation for this girl.

    1. Leanne Post author

      Thank you! I haven’t read The Shack yet, but I was just talking to someone the other day about it and she was telling me about the characters representing Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. I LOVE it! What a way to bust us out of our quintessential thinking regarding the trinity and pushing out the boundaries of our beliefs. I need to get a copy and read it. Thanks for reading and joining the conversation!


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