There are barriers in our world to things or people that/who are deemed special, honorable, and of great value. Museums of art and artifacts have glass, velvet ropes, and clear rules limiting how close we can get. Movie stars, professional athletes, religious leaders, and politicians are less than accessible to the common citizen without special permissions, passes and security escorts (not because the celebrity is dangerous, but because we the public pose a potential danger.) I can’t imagine even getting a physical glimpse of royalty, like Queen Elizabeth or Duchess Kate. If I tried to approach any of these people or things I would be stopped immediately, evicted from their presence–maybe even arrested. In our world, I am not worthy to approach any of these people or things of high value.
So it is no surprise that when it comes to God–the creator of the universe–I feel intimidated and unworthy to approach.
If you know me or are familiar with my blog, then you know that I love Jesus and I am not shy about expressing my faith. So it might seem confusing to hear me say that I’ve had issues with God the Father. Let me lay it down for you:
When it comes to the trinity–Father, Son, and Holy Ghost–the Holy Spirit fills up the space around me and within my heart. I pray to and through the Spirit; I have learned to hear and decipher God’s voice through the Spirit; I have come to depend on the Spirit to coach, lead, and teach me through my faith journey.
Jesus–Son– is my friend. He’s my pal, my confidant. Yes, He is my holy Lord, but he is accessible and approachable the way a friend would be. He’s got my back; I love Him so much and would follow Him anywhere (at least I believe I would). I trust Jesus the way I would trust a mentor.
Father God, however, has been an abstract, nebulous entity who is too holy for me to approach. While I know in my heart He loves me just as I am, I don’t trust that He’s accessible the way Jesus and the Holy Spirit are–even though all three are equally God. And, even if God the Father was accessible, I don’t feel like I’d be “allowed” to be near Him.
I felt this way up until last Wednesday… when God called me forward.
In an intense therapy session I was given an entirely new perspective that had me tenderly crash landing into the presence of a concrete God the Father. My Father–King of Universe–tells me that not only is He 100% accessible to me, but He loves me and wants me to approach his throne.
This new belief is slowly sinking in–rooting itself as truth in my heart and soul, yet it’s causing dissonance in my mind. I know it’s true yet can’t believe it’s true. God is okay with my inability to grab hold of this right away. As I have both embraced and wrestled with the truth, I have asked God the Father to help me understand. (The fact I am even talking to Him directly is a huge step for me.) In my prayers to rid my uncertainty of being able to approach God’s throne, Jesus said to me:
Let the little children come to me. Don’t stop them. The kingdom of God belongs to people who are like these little children. I tell you the truth, You must accept the Kingdom of God as a little child accepts things or you will never enter it…” (Mark 10: 14-15)
I won’t enter the kingdom not because I am not allowed, but because my grownup cloak of pragmatism will block me–just as it has blocked me from God the Father my whole life. (Did that triple negative twist your brain like a pretzel? 😉 )
I know my identity as God’s child. So I ask him to humble my 35-year-old, intellectual, logical self so I can enter into the spirit of my child-self; I want to succumb to the pull of curiosity, wonder, and discovery the way a child does when she sees something exciting, like a penny on the ground, lights on a friend’s shoe, or wrapping on a box. Right now I feel a little more like the uncertain child pondering whether or not I am going to approach Santa Clause. I 100% believe He’s real, and I know he’s got the good stuff I want, but I am not sure if it’s really okay for me to approach.
God is calling me forward, and unlike my earthly world, there is no special pass or security escort, no velvet rope keeping me at a distance. I am 100% worthy and welcome to approach my Father up close an personal. Wow!
Father God, thank you for making yourself real and accessible to me; free my mind from the struggle of uncertainty and let me trust the freedom to explore this new space at Your throne.