Tag Archives: body advocacy

It’s okay to be fat

Does that statement make you cringe? Make you want to argue? Make you uncomfortable?  I saw the following on the Facebook page of one of my favorite people in the body positive industry, Christy Harrison. Below is her original post, and I am going to follow up with my own thoughts. Ready?

Does this statement make you uncomfortable? Do you find yourself resisting or arguing back with it in your head (or in the comments)? That’s because diet culture has inculcated all of us with fatphobia and weight stigma, and most of us have internalized those prejudiced beliefs to such a strong degree that we can’t possibly imagine believing that it’s okay to be fat. ———- But really, being fat is every bit as okay as any other human trait—being short, or being dark-skinned, or being highly sensitive, or being gay, or having brown hair, or being trans, or using a wheelchair, or sweating when it’s hot out, or having autism, or snorting when you laugh—which is to say, 100% okay, and part of the diversity that makes our world beautiful. And shaming or discriminating against someone for the size of their body is every bit as harmful as any other form of prejudice. ——– It’s our responsibility to create a world where this statement isn’t seen as radical. Where we can proudly and loudly exclaim that *all* bodies belong, and that people in larger bodies are just as deserving of respect as anyone else. ————-Thank you to @bampowlife AKA Victoria Welsby for this quote, and for coming on the show this week! Be sure to give the new episode a listen 🙂 If you want to hear more about HAES, intuitive eating, and body liberation, head on over to wherever you get your podcasts and download the latest episode of Food Psych today! ————- And if you’re ready for a deeper dive into all things anti-diet, come check out my intuitive eating online course at christyharrison.com/course ❤

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First thought: Diet culture says fat is not okay because it’s unhealthy. Mainstream science, which is also influenced by diet culture, often touts weight as the cause of many health problems, such as diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, strokes, and even benign aches in joints and muscles. The problem is while these health conditions are correlated with weight, correlation does not equal causation, which is a concept rarely (if ever) considered. Additionally, all these conditions can be found in smaller bodies too. Larger body or smaller, no one is immune to unfortunate health problems. You can live in a heavy body and still be 100% healthy. Fat doesn’t necessarily mean you’re unhealthy; thinness doesn’t necessarily mean you’re healthy.

If weight is a contributing factor to poor health and poor quality of life, weight loss programs and diets are NOT going to be the answer. Diets and wellness plans have yet to be effective and sustainable for long-term weight loss, nor do they come without complications around feelings of shame regarding body image and food. When my weight was too low, compromising/complicating my health and quality of life, we didn’t focus on weight gain. My treatment was focused on body reconnection, food and body trust, intuitiveness around food and movement, and improving my relationship with my body and with food. With treatment my body found its natural weight, but more importantly my overall quality of life and health healed. The same treatment can (and should be) applied to folks who are struggling with poor health complicated by weight that is too high. Health care providers should NOT be medically and psychologically treating thin bodies differently than fat bodies.

Second thought: God made the human species with variety:  Blonde hair, black hair, curly hair, straight hair, wavy hair, light skin, dark skin, fat bodies, thin bodies, medium bodies; blue eyes, green eyes, blind eyes, big feet, small feet, tall bodies, short bodies, somewhere between bodies… shall I keep going? It’s okay to be fat just like it’s okay to have curly hair, freckles across your nose, and an adoration for the color orange. To believe fatness is not okay is like believing brown hair or black skin is not okay. Fatness cannot be and is not designed to be singled out as an upsetting moral value to be stereotyped and stigmatized and criticized. Body size and shape are merely physical descriptors. That’s it. Nothing more. The end.

Third thought: Culture says it’s not okay to be fat because fat isn’t beautiful, attractive, or sexy; fatness won’t allow for true love, good sex, or partnership for life with another human. I call skubalon on those notions. (That’s Greek for bullshit.) Beauty and sex appeal and attractiveness come from how you carry yourself, which comes from what you believe about yourself. If you believe you’re beautiful and sexy, then you’ll carry yourself as beautiful and sexy regardless of your size. Larger bodies are not unlovable bodies. Don’t believe the lie that says otherwise.

Let’s go a little deeper, shall we? If you treat people beautifully and live in a way that honors others without harsh judgement and with love, you will be regarded as beautiful, lovely, and attractive. The relationships that matter will be with people who love you, respect you, and honor you at the heart level without regard to your fatness or thinness.

And for those who find you repulsive or unattractive because of your body size and shape, you don’t need them. They aren’t the right people for you. It’s still 100% okay to be you when others say you aren’t okay.

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If you live in a fat body, that’s okay.  Seek strength, energy, confidence, and self-love in whatever body you’ve been given.

 

**For more body positive encouragement in your life, definitely add Christy Harrison to your social media feeds. You won’t be sorry.

 

Before and After Photos

I used to really enjoy looking at before and after photos of makeovers and weight loss journeys. For a moment they would give me hope that I could look better too. But there was also a small part of me that felt jealous and disappointed that I wasn’t what the “after” picture looked like in the first place, and deep down I just wished I could be better.

What I didn’t realize, though, was the bias we tend to have when it comes to these kinds of pictures. We post and view pictures and videos of ourselves or others working out and eating healthy, touting our journeys toward good health and good looking bodies. We publicly announce how much weight we’ve lost, how much weight we can lift, how far we can run, and what the new letter or number is on our clothing. We’re proud of our hard work, our healthy attitude, and our new look.

But when we go the opposite direction and gain weight, well now we have a problem. Even if Person A, who lost weight, and Person B, who gained weight, end up at the exact same size, our cultural bias is to praise Person A and wonder about Person B. We see Person B as “struggling with their weight” on the outside, while they are struggling with shame on the inside… for what? Not watching calories? Eating too much evil sugar and fat? Not exercising enough? Person B looks the same as Person A, but because h/she went up instead of down, there is both societal and personal expectation to change.

The only exception is with pregnancy.  We love to post and view sweet baby bump pictures showing the beauty and progress of pregnancy. We love to see the miracle of a human growing inside another human. I mean, wow!  But what happens shortly after baby is born? All of a sudden that miraculous body isn’t okay anymore, and there’s pressure both within Mom and in culture to get back to “pre-baby” shape. There are no (or rarely) photos of the post-birth stretch marks or pillow-soft belly where that newborn finds safety  when she rests on her tired mama.

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I just want you, dear reader, to notice the bias, whether you love before and after pictures because they make you feel inspired or hate them because they make you feel inadequate. It wasn’t until I realized the bias of before and after photos that I understood how dangerous and unhelpful these kinds of pictures can be. Especially for people in recovery or in the throes of an eating disorder. These  pictures aren’t accurate measures of what health looks like or should look like.

It’s okay to be proud of the hard work we put into ourselves to feel healthy and good. I’ve spent nearly four years of hard work in anorexia recovery, and not only have I gained weight but also perspective. It is imperative to remember that life is deeper than the before and after pictures. The same drive and ability used to lose weight or meet health goals is the same drive and ability we use to love our kids, advocate for our loved ones, to spark change for justice, or to get out of bed in the morning during a season of depression. These are the deeper things that don’t show up in before and after photos, yet make all of us valuable…  regardless of what we looked like before or after.

 

 

Confession of a body advocate

“What does fat mean to you?” asked my therapist. My heart dropped into my gut with a giant ugh. This was the same question she asked me three-and-a-half years ago when I first entered recovery. I started to cry and replied, “Am I really back to this place again? I thought I processed this already… I thought I was over it.”  Problem is I was sitting in her office confessing that I had spent the previous day restricting my food, something I haven’t done in at least a couple of years.

Easter Sunday had been a tough day. While getting dressed for dinner, I was frustrated that none of my shirts were fitting comfortably. Since quitting Taekwondo last June due to a knee injury and restricting cardio exercise as per doctor’s orders until my knee is healed, my physical activity has waned significantly. I’ve been in physical therapy building strength and stability in my knee, hips, and core, but my whole body is in process of finding it’s new weight set point and shape. So my clothes are fitting differently and, in some cases, too small.

On Sunday my eating disorder simply told me I was getting fat. After a lovely ham dinner, I was comfortably full, but my eating disorder told me I am fat; I needed to eat less because I was eating too much; I am not exercising so I need to eat less; my body isn’t “changing shape” but growing fatter; and on and on and on. I was depressed all evening, and on Monday I couldn’t stand the feel of my body in my clothes, I couldn’t stand looking at myself in the mirror, and I couldn’t stand the thought of eating a whole day’s worth of food. So I made the conscious choice to restrict my food intake, including skipping lunch.

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So why was fat such a big deal all of sudden and why wouldn’t it be okay if I was fat? I had come to terms long ago that fat and skinny aren’t terms that God sees or uses let alone attaches any value. So why did the size of my body matter to me?

Well, unfortunately it turns out cultural judgments about fat were starting to become my own judgments again. American culture says “If you live in a fat body, then you are unhealthy.”

I don’t want to be regarded as unhealthy. As a food and body advocate I fear people won’t trust me if I live in a larger body. I don’t know where my body is going to settle, but if it settles larger than what’s considered appropriate or desirable for “healthy” according to our societal standards then I may lose credibility… my value as an advocate. This feels scary and disheartening to me.

So, I did what anyone with an eating disorder and feeling lack of value does. I restricted my food in an effort to keep my body from getting any bigger. It was a terrible idea on many levels, and I felt miserable by the end of the day from starvation.

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Sitting here now a week later, after using my support network, I have a much clearer focus on reality that I want to share with you:

    • Healthy doesn’t come in one size. It comes in all the sizes, including larger, shapelier sizes. You and I can live in a fat body and be 100% healthy–feeling good, living well.
    • Fat and skinny don’t exist in God’s realm, but they do exist here on earth. We can’t get away from those terms, but we can change how we think of them. We need to learn to use them as neutral facts. The way a shirt is pink or shoes are black or hair is blonde, so can a body be fat, a pair of legs be thin, a butt be round, or cheeks be plump. Fat and thin are observable descriptors rather than judgments of value or desire.
  • The human body has an amazing feature where it adapts itself based on life circumstances. It is literally the smartest device we own:

~When a woman is pregnant the belly stretches to accommodate space for the baby and adds weight wherever necessary to support baby’s growth and dependence on our body’s resources.

~When we have an injury, the body adjusts appetite to promote healing and changes shape to accommodate new movements and build strength where needed.

~ When we’re sick, it utilizes stored resources (like fat and sugar), pauses internal functions in effort to send energy to sick or damaged areas… always with the goal of keeping us alive.

~ When we’re over or under weight, causing medical malfunction, the body works hard to send signals of what it needs in nutrition and movement to find its best natural set point based on the life we’re trying to live.

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I confess I lost my focus last week, and, worse, lost trust in my body, in where my value truly lies, and in what God is asking of me as an advocate. I judged fat and I got scared of what it might mean if I was fat. My only excuse is that I’m human… living in a disordered culture that values thin bodies and regards health on a single dimension… recovering from an eating disorder that still lives inside my brain and causes doubt sometimes. But thank GOD, literally, I have an amazing support network and an open line to the Holy Spirit to help me bring the truth back into focus.

 

 

Do you wonder:  What does Healthy Mean?

 

 

Why the scale is a dangerous piece of junk

I accidentally saw my weight back in June 2017. It’s the first time I’d seen my weight in two-and-a-half years. It’s the first time I’d even thought about my weight in over a year. In eating disorder recovery, you are blind to your weight in addition to calories and other nutritional information; those numbers trigger the eating disorder voice to scream that you’re fat or getting fat, eating too much, and doing “healthy” wrong. It’s dangerous to see your weight.

When I saw mine back in June, I was a little shocked, but I also had enough (strong) recovery under my belt to know that I felt great, my clothes fit, and I was comfortable inside my body. That number didn’t matter, and it held no value for me. I let it go.

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This week I accidentally saw my weight again. The nurse was new so she didn’t know to keep the weight blind; I didn’t even think to let her know I needed my weight to be blind; and I wasn’t careful about avoiding my eyes. It was a careless accident, and the number has been aggravating my mind like a loose hangnail. My weight was higher than it was in June, which my eating disorder voice was quick to point out: “You’ve gained weight! You knew it. You suspected it and now you know. What are you going to do about it!?”

What am I going to do about it?? Should I do anything about it? Why did I gain that weight? Am I not paying attention to my body? What am I doing wrong? Am I going to keep gaining? Am I eating too much? Too much sugar? Too much fat? Am I not moving enough? What the hell?

The sudden anxiety questioned all the body advocacy and intuitive eating truths I believe; all the messaging on this blog about not worrying about weight and body size became burdened with doubt.

Why?

Because of a stupid number.

This is why the scale is a dangerous piece of junk!

The number coming from an inanimate object made of plastic and metal doesn’t have the power to change anything about me, so why let it have a say?

Who cares if I put on a few pounds? Only my eating disorder cares.
Did the core of who I am change? Nope.
Am I still a good mom? Yes!
Do I still have an active heart and belief in the people for whom I advocate? Yes!
Does my husband still wrap his arms around me telling me how much he loves me, loves my humor, and honors all the things I do for my family? Yep!
Do I still believe that God is in charge of my body and my body knows what it’s doing? Yes!

Then what’s the problem?

Dumb scale.

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No one needs a scale. All it does is connect us with a number and distances us from our bodies and God. The scale induces anxiety, food rules, self-doubt, and shame–the barriers to body love and the joy to live freely inside our bodies as God intended.  Or if you like what the scale says because you value the number or drop in number, then your sense of worth and accomplishment are being validated by something that has no life and no vested interest in who you are.

The only people who need to know your weight are your doctors, and they can get that themselves–blindly! Turn your back; avoid your eyes; tell the nurse you don’t need to know. Look, if you own a scale. Smash it. I mean that literally. Smash it to pieces and then make art out of the debris. I did this with a friend of mine a couple years ago, and wrote about it here. It is so  liberating! Also, it wasn’t my idea. Check this out: https://www.southernsmash.org/

If you decide to smash your scale, I want to know about it and see pictures of it! You can tell me here in the comments or post on my Facebook wall  or Twitter!

Peace and love,
Leanne